How Do You Tell Someone They Won’t Be A Bridesmaid At Your Wedding Without Hurting Their Feelings?
Ok, so by now you should have decided:
- How many bridesmaids you are going to have at your wedding and
- Who, out of the all the people closest to you in your life, you are going have as your bridesmaid.
The next thing you need to do is to “break the news” to whoever might have been expecting you would want them as your bridesmaid. But for whatever reason they did not make the cut.
Let’s face it.
This isn’t an easy thing for any bride to do. In fact the closer she is to the person she has to tell. The harder she will most likely find it is. And not only that but the harder it will be for the other person to hear it.
There’s no two ways about it, this can really test the relationship that you have with them.
So let’s have a look at how you can tell some one they won’t be a bridesmaid at your wedding and not hurt their feelings or hurt them the least amount possible.
The first thing to consider is on some level you are rejecting this person. Even though it is not neccessarily a “personal” thing. It will take a person with a very strong sense-of-self to not feel that something like this is.
So your goal should be to find the right balance between being honest with them. But not to the point that you are so blunt, that you come across as callous and cruel.
When you are honest. You are respecting the other person and at the same time avoiding any potential, future damage to your relationship. That might occur if you lie and then later on get found out.
So rather than say something like: “You’re not as close to me as my other friends are, so you can’t be a bridesmaid at my wedding”
You could try a more compassionate approach along the lines of: “This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make and because we decided as a couple how many we would have in our bridal party. It meant that some of the people I really love and care about had to be excluded”
Once you have told them, they aren’t going to be your bridesmaid. If you value your relationship with them. You should be prepared to then sit back and listen to what they have to say. And just allow them to say it.
Being Strong When It Counts.
It might not be easy, and there may be quite a bit of hurt feelings in their words. But you should try to stay strong and resist any need to justify your decision. Or even worse, bringing up any unresoloved issuses between you because you might be feeling attacked by what they are saying to you.
Your job at this point is simply to just “be there” and “be strong” for them. When you do this you will find they will eventually burn off any hurt they are feeling. Then you can try to give them a hug and possibilly ask them if they would consider participating in your wedding in some other special way. For example: if you are getting married in a church, maybe they could do a reading in your ceremony.
Even though this conversation is difficult. If you take the time to put yourself in their shoes before you have it. You both can and will get through it. And this kind of open and compassionate honesty will strengthen the bond you both share.
Final points to remember:
- Do this as early as possible, (this is best done before you let your bridesmaids know)
- Do this in person, preferably not over the phone and deffinetly not over messenger.
- If things get heated, resist the urge to retaliate. See it for what it is and that they are hurting and try to provide them with comfort. (If that doesn’t work you both may need a “time out.” If this is the case you should suggest it, but you should both also try to agree to resolve the issue at a later date)
- You should face this situation with out fear because sometimes you will find they are actually relieved to not have to be your bridesmaid (not everybody has the time and/or money available)
- Approach with compassion, and make the relationship you have with this person your priority.
Finally if you are looking for a heart-felt way to ask your bridesmaids our range of will you be my bridesmaid invitation cards are a very elegant and stylish way to do this.